July 13, 2020

Love Yourself

In this episode we discuss the relationship you have with yourself. We go over why loving yourself will benefit both you and all of your relationships. This is the foundation to having healthy and thriving relationships with others!

Transcribed:

Hi everyone. And welcome to episode eight of take control with Whitney Wells. So today we're going to talk about your relationship with yourself. We're going to talk about loving yourself. We're going to talk about what you create for yourself when you have love for yourself and what you create for yourself when you have hate for yourself.

So yesterday I was running some errands and this song came on that I absolutely love, "Broken and Beautiful", by Kelly Clarkson. I love this song for a lot of reasons, but one of them is because of the message in the song. It talks about loving yourself, no matter what. It talks about being broken and beautiful. Being broken and loving yourself, no matter what. Being broken and celebrating that. My son and I love to jam out to this song. And when I say jam out, we're sitting in our car or driving around wherever we're going, and we're basically screaming the words because our attempt at singing is probably not singing. So much fun! We have so much fun with this song. And it just makes me think of the whole concept of loving yourself.

It is so important to love yourself because it is the foundation for all of your other relationships. When you have a strong relationship with yourself, you can carry that over to the other people in your life. You can carry that over to your interactions with them. You can interact with them from a clean, peaceful and loving place. When you love yourself, it carries outward towards the world and to the people around you. You project that outwards, when you love yourself, through your actions. Now, wouldn't that be so nice to have interactions with the people around you from a clean and peaceful place? Well, it all starts with you.

It all starts with loving yourself. And loving yourself, all starts with your current thoughts about yourself. You need to know what your current thoughts are about yourself. You need to have that awareness. You need to uncover what you are thinking about yourself. Then take ownership. You take ownership by knowing that those are your thoughts. Those are your sentences and phrases that are going through your brain. And that's all they are. But being aware of them and owning them, that's where you can change them, if you want to.

So when you look at yourself or when you think about yourself, what thoughts do you have? Take a moment and think to yourself. What do you think about yourself? When you look at yourself or when you think about yourself. Now, here are some prompts that may help you. You want to fill in the blank:

"I am..."

"I am not..."

"I should be..."

And those are your thoughts about you

Now, how do you feel about yourself? Some examples may be: I feel love. I feel hate. I feel frustrated. I feel annoyed. I feel disappointed. I feel inadequate. I feel overwhelmed. You want to find out what's true for you. How do you feel about you?

So let's look at one of these a little bit further. When you think for an example, "I am not good enough." You're thinking that about yourself, "I am not good enough." And when you think that, maybe you feel disappointment or inadequate. And from that feeling, maybe you: beat yourself up, put yourself down, you don't do the things that would benefit you. You compare yourself to others, you judge yourself, you criticize yourself. You don't have that movement forward. And now imagine how you would treat others around you. If you felt that disappointment, or if you felt inadequate, when you're thinking I'm not good enough, you probably wouldn't treat them as best you could. Maybe you would be cranky or short or less welcoming. Maybe you wouldn't be as engaging when you're thinking I am not good enough, and when you're feeling disappointment or inadequate. And then you are not being your best self. When you take these actions, when you have this behavior.

When you think I am not good enough, you're creating that feeling of disappointment or inadequate. You're taking these actions from that feeling of beating yourself up, putting yourself down, you don't do the things that would benefit you. You compare judge criticize. You don't have that movement forward. You're not being your best self. Now it's the thought about yourself that is creating this result. And we know this because you could have a different thought about yourself to create a different result. But right now, we just want to be aware of what thoughts you have. Remember, you have to be aware of your thoughts and own them in order to change them. So this is a very important first step.

Now, loving yourself is the best option. And I'm going to show you how and why loving yourself can be your super power. It can be your armor that you wear. Now, just like the song "Broken and Beautiful", she's wearing her armor. She's using her superpower. She's celebrating, being broken and beautiful.

You can't hate yourself into being better. It just doesn't work that way. If we go back to the thought, "I am not good enough". You're creating that disappointment. You're creating the feeling of inadequate. You're creating these actions of beating yourself up, putting yourself down. You don't have that movement forward when you think "I am not good enough". Which shows you can't hate yourself into being better. It does not work. But sometimes we think "I can't love myself until I accomplish this thing". Or "until I look a certain way" or "reach that goal". You may think that you need to hold onto this hate for yourself in order to propel you forward or to push you forward or to reach that goal or to lose that weight. But this is backwards. This is backwards. You can't hate yourself into being better. You can't beat yourself up: into reaching that goal, or into being the person you want to be, or into showing up in relationships how you want to show up. It doesn't work. You don't have that movement forward when you think, "I am not good enough".

You need to practice loving yourself exactly how you are in order to create what you want. So loving yourself when you're broken, as the song says, loving yourself exactly how you are in order to create what you want. Imagine if you loved yourself, no matter what you did or said, you loved yourself through all of it. This is your super power. This is your armor. You can love yourself no matter what.

So let's practice. What thoughts would create love for yourself no matter what, try and think of some. You want to think of what feels true and believable to you. You want it to be believable because that's where you'll create that feeling that you'll take those actions from. If it's not believable, it won't create what you want. So here are some examples. Feel free to use them: "I am doing my best." "I am capable." "I am worthy." "I love myself no matter what." "I am a good person." Now, when you think "I love myself, no matter what", maybe that creates love for you. And from that love, maybe you'll take the actions of encourage yourself, not judging or comparing or criticizing yourself. You do things that would move you towards your desired goals. When you have that, love, you treat others with kindness and love. Maybe you engage with people, maybe you interact with the people around you in your life in a loving and caring way, with kindness. And from these actions, you're creating a strong relationship with yourself from thinking, "I love myself no matter what". You create that strong relationship with yourself.

How you feel about yourself is in direct relation to how you show up in the world and to the people around you. So how you feel about yourself is directly connected to how you show up, to how you interact with the people around you. It's in direct relation to your relationships with them.

If you feel love about yourself, you will show up to the world with love and take actions from that feeling. If you feel love for yourself, it's so much easier to also feel love for others, to think those loving thoughts, to have a loving relationship from those thoughts. If you feel hate or disappointment or inadequate about yourself, you'll show up towards the people around you with hate and disappointment and an inadequacy. And you'll take actions from those feelings. You'll have thoughts that will create these feelings towards these people. How you feel about yourself is the foundation.

How to create a strong relationship with yourself, how do you do it? You create trust, you build integrity, you have love through it all. So simply put, you have loving thoughts about yourself. You have positive and good thoughts about you. So start with being kind to yourself. Be kind to yourself by telling yourself loving thoughts about yourself. Do not beat yourself up for any reason. And when I say beat yourself up, that's simply telling yourself negative thoughts about you. Other ways to build this trust and integrity with yourself is honor any plan that you make for yourself. So if you make a plan for yourself, that's you, yourself making the plan. And when it comes time to actually put that plan into action, honor that plan. Honor your past self. You're building that trust, building that integrity. You're strengthening that relationship with yourself. When you honor yourself, show up for yourself. Show up for yourself as you show up for others. Love yourself. Use that super power and love yourself.

When you love yourself, you also show other people how to treat you. You're showing other people. You're treating yourself with love, so you're showing other people how to treat you as well. But I want to point out whether they do or don't, that is neutral. That is irrelevant. When you have your armor, your super power of loving yourself, it's irrelevant how they treat you. What I mean by that is, you can still have love for yourself no matter what, because your own thoughts create your feelings, not other people. So if other people are not treating you, how you're showing them that you want to be treated, you can still have thoughts and have loving feelings. You can still wear that superpower or that armor and use your superpower. You can still love yourself.

So let's say someone said to me, "I hate your podcast." I could think "I am not good enough." Or I could think "that is totally fine for them to think that and have their own opinion." Now, the first thought of "I am not good enough." That could give me the feeling of inadequate. And then from that feeling, I could maybe I wouldn't put my best foot forward when creating this podcast. I would show up, but not really my best. I wouldn't show up my best self. And now the second thought "that is totally fine for them to think that and have their own opinion." That thought may give me peace and love. I would probably keep producing this podcast as best I can.

Their words, "I hate your podcast." They can't affect me until I have a thought about it. My thought gives me my feeling. I'm wearing my cape, my superhero cape with thinking, "that is totally fine for them to think that and have their own opinion." I'm loving myself through it all.

Needing approval from the outside world or from others in order to love yourself, this is not using your super power. This is not using the super power of loving yourself. It's not wearing that armor. So let's look a little bit deeper into that. Let's say your spouse says to you, "you were doing a great job". So you're getting that approval from your spouse, right? And then maybe you think when your spouse says that to you, "you were doing a great job". Maybe you think "now I know I'm doing it right". And when you think "now I know I'm doing it right", you feel appreciated. And when you feel appreciated, you keep doing the things you were doing. Maybe you want to please that person, you do the things that that person wants you to do, that the other person expects you to do. And you're wanting and waiting for that confirmation that you are doing it right. Essentially, you're at the mercy of the other person, of their approval. If they say those words. And from these actions, you don't show up authentically. You're not being your authentic self.

When you have your feeling of being appreciated, tied to whether your spouse says "you are doing it right" or whether he or she doesn't say that, you are giving them all of your power. You're not using your superpower. You do not have your armor on. You're at the mercy of the other person's approval. You're not owning your own thoughts, your own feelings and your own actions.

Let's take the example of, if your spouse says, "You are not doing it right". If your spouse says "you are not doing it right", and your thought is, "I'm failing at this". And from that thought, "I'm failing at this". Maybe you feel sad or doubt. And when you feel sad or doubt, maybe you criticize yourself, you compare, judge, you don't have that movement forward. Maybe you're cranky or short with people around you. And you aren't being your best self. When you're thinking, "I'm failing at this" and you have that sadness or that doubt, you're not being your best self.

So it's the thoughts that we have about what your spouse says, "You are not doing it right." You're agreeing with your spouse by thinking "I'm failing at this". You're not owning your super power. You're not putting your armor on. Imagine if you loved yourself, no matter what other people did or said to you.

Imagine if you loved yourself, no matter what other people said about you. You loved yourself through it all. You wore your armor. You owned your super power. You put that cape on. It would look something like this. Your spouse says, "you're not doing it right". And you think "I love myself no matter what". And from that thought, "I love myself no matter what", you feel love. And when you feel love, maybe you take the actions of step away from the conversation, possibly. Maybe you have some patience. You're able to show up for yourself and for the others, the way that you would. You're true to yourself, whatever that means to you. And from these actions, you are being your authentic self. You love yourself through it all.

Now the thought "I love myself, no matter what", this is just an example. The thought that you think when you are owning your superpower of loving yourself, it has to be true to you. Believable to you. So try those thoughts on. See, what's believable to you. But own that superpower. Loving yourself is within your control because your thoughts are within your control. What you think will create how you feel. And when you love yourself, you can show up for others in that way as well. No matter how others show up, no matter how others act, no matter what others do, you can still show up with love. You can still love yourself. So take that control. Own your super power. Put that cape on. Put that armor on and love yourself no matter what. Thank you so much for listening and have an awesome day.

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