June 4, 2020

Energize Yourself

This episode dives into how to energize yourself emotionally instead of exhausting yourself. We discuss where to focus your control and how to have the experience that you want to have.

Transcribed:

Hi, and welcome to episode two of take control with Whitney Wells. How is everyone doing today? I had an awesome day. It was so much fun. It's 85 degrees here, and we decided to play outside for the majority of the day in the sprinkler and with the water table. And my five year old son just absolutely loves it. He runs through the sprinkler and wants us to chase him all around. So many laughs so many giggles. He's just so much fun. We had a great day. So let's dive into the topic we're going to talk about today. We're going to talk about energizing yourself instead of exhausting yourself. We're going to talk about turning that control inward instead of outward, this energy comes from the skill of managing your thoughts. 

So when I first heard of this tool of being able to focus on the thoughts that you want in order to have a different experience, I was skeptical. I was like, well, why haven't I heard of this before? Why don't I do this? Why don't I know about this? And so from that place, I was like, let me just try this out. Let me give it a shot. Let me see if it actually works. So I decided to right then and there, try it out. 

I was walking my dog Apollo and we were taking a stroll around the neighborhood and he was biting the leash. He was pulling and he was biting. And I had this thought "he doesn't listen very well." That was my thought about him biting the leash about him pulling. And from that thought that I had, "he doesn't listen very well". I felt frustrated. Then I said to myself, okay, this is my thought right now. This is my experience that I'm having. 

Let me try out this whole thought management thing, let me try it out. And I thought to myself, "he is a happy and playful puppy." This is another very believable thought of mine. I believe he doesn't listen very well. And I also believe he is a happy and playful puppy, but when I thought he is a happy and playful puppy, it created a feeling of understanding. For me, it created a happy feeling, a compassionate feeling towards my dog, my whole body relaxed. I felt the vibration in my body change. I felt my shoulders kind of loosen up and I felt, I felt better. 

Now the situation didn't change. Apollo was still biting the leash. He was still pulling, but my thought about it changed. So my experience changed. Apollo, biting the leash wasn't creating my feeling. It was my thought that was creating it. When I focused on a different thought, it changed my experience. So if I focused on he doesn't listen very well. I felt frustrated. When I focused on he's a happy and playful puppy. I felt understanding, I felt happy. You can control your thoughts to have a different experience. 

So how does focusing on a different thought energize you? Imagine if I tried to change the circumstance of Apollo pulling and biting in that moment, when I was thinking "he doesn't listen very well", when I was feeling frustrated. I would have probably yelled at him out of frustration or try and force him to stop pulling or biting in a non-dog trainer tactic type of way. And I wouldn't have enjoyed my walk very much. I would have felt exhausted trying to get him to behave in a different way. And I would also felt exhausted emotionally because of the feelings that I was creating for myself. Those negative feelings that were coming up. Now, since I shifted my focus to the thought, "he's a happy and playful puppy" when he was pulling and biting the leash, I felt energized because I was controlling what I had control over: me and my thoughts. And as a result, I had an enjoyable walk. 

So now let's take a deeper dive into what exactly is a circumstance and a thought and the power that each have. Circumstances are factual they are the past, things that already happened, what people say, what people do. All the other sentences in your brain, all the other phrases that go through your brain, are thoughts, and they are subjective. 

We often don't have control over the circumstance. And if we try and control the circumstance, we deplete our energy. But you do have control over your thoughts. And this is where you can choose to empower yourself and energize yourself when you focus that control inward on your thoughts. 

So let's take some examples of a circumstance. COVID-19 that is a circumstance.

Your job, the facts of your job. That's a circumstance. 

Your spouse or partner and the words that they say or the things that they do. All circumstances. 

Your kids, the words and actions of your kids. 

The president, or other people's political views: circumstances. 

The past something that already happened. Circumstance. 

These are all circumstances. When you try and control these people or things, you exhaust yourself because you can't control them. You deplete your energy because you can't control them. You can't control the people around you or what has already happened or something that is occurring that is out of your hands. So instead you can turn the control inward and energize yourself. 

Let's take those circumstances and play around with some possible thoughts that you could think. So COVID-19, that's the circumstance. A thought that you could think is "I wish things were back to normal." From that thought you could have the feeling of powerless or disappointed. Or you could have a thought, "I love this extra time with my family or myself." "I love this extra time with myself." You could feel grateful. Whichever thought you choose, when you choose it intentionally you create the result you want. This power and control is energizing.

Your job, the details and facts of your job. Your thought could be "this job is horrible." Or, or you could think "I love that I get paid money", or you could think "I can do hard things." These thoughts will produce different feelings. But notice when you aren't trying to control your job, your experience of it changes when you're turning that control inward, your experience will change. You'll feel more energized rather than exhausted. 

When your spouse or partner says or does or doesn't do something. You could think "he or she doesn't care about me." Or you could think "he or she has a lot going on" or "I'm capable and I can take care of it." Notice what feelings come from each thought. Notice that when you turn that control inward, you have the power over your experience. 

Your kids, when they say words, when they do things, when they take certain actions or inactions; your thoughts could be "he or she shouldn't act this way". Or you could think "he or she is acting just as I would expect a five-year-old to act", or you could think "my child is independent and of course they wouldn't want to do that instead." When we argue with the past or with reality, it is an uphill, exhausting battle. So turn that control inward and decide on purpose how you want to show up.

The president or other people's political views. Now I know this subject may feel charged to people, but notice that that charged feeling is not coming from the president or other peoples political views. It's coming from your thoughts about those. You could think "I can't be around people who support that", or you could think "I am so curious why they believe what they believe". The first thought closes you off. And the second thought opens you up. Now, neither thought is wrong. But notice when you, aren't trying to control people from a place of judgment, you can create a different experience for yourself. You can control your mind around the situation and energize yourself.

Most of the time we try and control the situation to feel that feeling that we want. We try and get the people to act how we want or to say the things that we want to hear to live up to the expectations that we have set, which is pretty impossible. And can you see how this is just so exhausting? The reason it is so exhausting is because it usually doesn't work. You're trying for the impossible, trying to control the circumstance will exhaust you while controlling your mind will energize you. When you focus on yourself, you give yourself all the power and all the control, which gives you all the energy. 

So let's try it out. I encourage you to try this out for yourself right now, take something that is factual. Maybe what someone said to you or did that you wish would be different, that you wish they would have said something different, you wish they would have acted in a different way and see what thoughts come up. Notice what feelings you have and what experience that gives you. Instead of trying to control the situation and change it, or have the person behave differently, try on other thoughts and see what you create for yourself. Then decide intentionally and on purpose, what experience you want to have. You have the ultimate control. When you turn the control back on yourself, instead of projecting it outward. 

Energize yourself, instead of exhausting yourself. It has been so much fun sharing with you. I hope you feel more energized and in control. So thanks so much for listening and see you next time.

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© 2020 Whitney Wells Coaching
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